You don’t know how much I truly needed to hear your words that day. Thank you.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit here that the reason for that pity party was likely hormonal. I track my cycle with an app, but had a much shorter one than usual and therefore no warning that anything was going on under the hood. Since going off the pill at the start of the year, I tend to experience a serious depressive episode during the last week of my cycle. Not every cycle, but at least 50% of the time. I’m considering going back on the pill to prevent these episodes as I do find myself contemplating the final solution, so to speak, during them. At least when I know it’s PMS, I can rationalise these illogical thoughts and power through with self-care. This time, I was spinning and spiralling for seemingly no reason, which made me feel even worse. I would never, ever do anything that would place such a terrible burden on S2. It’s more of a quiet desperation that leaves me feeling unable to cope and wishing for a measure of peace. I am safe.
