I'd do what is natural and honest, May. I thought it was very strange and unhealthy that you'd pretend to be asleep when he'd initiate sex with you, and that you'd both agree not to have sex but also be having sex. If he initiates touch or sex and you want to reciprocate, then go ahead. If you don't want to, then you can decline gracefully. If you want to say something like 'I'd really like to see where this takes us, but I feel afraid and I am nervous about your expectations' then go ahead, or just process that yourself, don't over think, and in every single moment either say yes or say no, move towards or move away, depending on what is honest for you in that moment.
