May have you worked through the possibility that you may just have to let the past go? To completely forgive, not bring it up again and find a way of accountability moving forward?
What about what type of transparency you would need? What would that look like? What about asking your H to find an accountability partner? What if he joined a men's group?
I think if there is ever a place for M2.0 you have to let go of M1.0 --- not just forgive but to literally not bring it up again.
Perhaps reading the book The Love Path would help you find a way to reconnect with your H.
It seems that your H is genuinely trying to hold on and to work this R. You are in control May... you get to decide but I caution you that if you don't find a way to forgive your H and put it in the past you will continue to stay on this crazy cycle. The vows were for better or for worse and so sadly our spouses can show us the "worse" for sure. Realize that neither of you will be happy in M2.0 if you have not let go of what happened. I'm not asking you to forget.
If you don't think you can do that I don't think any amount of IC, or MC will bring you happiness. We are all flawed... can you still love this man despite his flaws?
