One thing I've considered doing is sending an apology letter to MIL for my part in the fight. Not with the agenda of reconciling with her son, but simply with the purpose of clearing the air and owning my actions. As it stands, she and I cannot be in the same room. This is not ideal for the children. I drafted the letter and read it to my DB coach who said it was really good.
But I haven't sent it. It's so incredibly, incredibly hard to apologize to a woman who hurt me and my family beyond words. Unreasonable demands on me, almost daily calls to DH complaining about me. Then, when I left, she went over and packed up my stuff and put our a doormat with DH's name and the kids names (my name obviously omitted). I mean, ouch. Like it's bad. A huge part of me wants to scream, "You love those grandbabies so much?! Good job destroying their family." But, I left. She helped cause the divide (and I believe she is actively working to prevent any reconciliation), but leaving was my decision and my decision alone. The crazy part is is that I was actually a decent wife. Never cheated, gave her almost weekly access to her grandkids. But....well, here we are.
So, yeah, the letter. Hard to send. Very, very hard. Probably hardest thing I've ever done. But this level of division is not good. It's not good for the kids.
