Finding the man I want to be, alone. Pack_19 part3

[Pack_19]

Hi all,

We exchanged kids yesterday and despite I have told her already 4 times and by email that I will not talk to her about money anymore, she came up to me as soon as I was about to leave saying I owe her payments from previous months. She had had a couple of beers and smelt like alcohol and when I told her I was paying what I had agreed with my lawyer to be fair she said a number of very hurtful things in front of the kids.

She told me she hoped I would rot with all my money, that a person that acts like me and then says I love you needs psychological help (implying I am crazy in from of my children), that it was all money for the kids and not for her, she told me she would accuse me of harassment because of all past messages and she said she needed the money and of course she threatened divorce and said she will never come back to me. The kids started crying, so I took S7 and gave him a big hug and tried to call him down and leave. Then she said I had started all to what I answered I never wanted to talk about money and she had been the one insulting and accusing me. She started crying and called her mom to say I would not let the kids leave, I was feeling beyond hallucinations, I told her it had been she the one who wanted to talk about money, kissed both children goodnight (she tried to stop me from getting to them) and left.

Oh, she also took out her phone and threatened to record me, so after she destroyed me asking about money, when I am answering to her she picks up her phone to record. Who is this person and why is she treating me like this?

I cried in the car and called my L. She said I should sleep well because I am giving her quite a generous amount of alimony and told me to stay away of W because Spain has a very pro-female legal system and any time I can end up being accused of domestic violence. I went for a drive to calm down, had dinner with my sister and went to sleep with some music.

I know my biggest mistake was to not walk away minute 1, I will work on that so it never happens again.

I cannot work today, I am feeling torn because of what happened. One half of me wants to help her financially, I once loved this W and I want her to be happy and I want to show her I care about her well being. It's like I want to come to her and say, calmly told me how much you need and let's agree on how to get it to you. On the other hand whenever I read about detachment it is not my fault that she is living in an expensive flat and is struggling, she has a job and a salary, I need to make sure my children are in the best home and family environment when with me (this I can control) and I need to "remove all financial support beyond basic, if she makes a mess, she needs to clean it up" (quoting here the post from LH19 on my thread).

Here are some words from MWD on the first chapter of DR.

Although protecting oneself is important, sometimes the very things we do to protect your personal interests jeopardize the slightest hope that you and your partner will remain civil to one another, let alone consider reconciliation

I have not contacted her and will never do it. This is the last time she threatens me with police and lawyers because of money, it is also the last time she mocks when I tell her I love her.

Can I get some advice please on how I am acting, am I doing the right thing? I feel like my actions to command respect are pushing me away and away from a civil relationship, let alone the hope for R. I am going to continue to work on myself and NC but I really have many thoughts about offering help to W. I feel like I came being a child here, and I will leave this hell as a man.

Please all trust me, this is not my side of the story, I really was going to leave. I know I have made many mistakes in the past, but this money issue is not something I started, I already raised the alimony back in May when she threatened with divorce because I was "being inconsiderate with her needs and hence had not changed".

@Ben! Thanks for posting

Is it not a good idea for you to be the best man you can be for your own sake and not to fight for your M?

It is a good idea, at least to guarantee a happy future for myself.

Thank you all and I really really look forward to hearing from you.
((hugs)) Pack