I'd rank the priorities during that period, in fact, as: 1) providing for the family; 2) raising well-adjusted children; 3) doing your best to keep your spouse happy; 4) staying physically healthy; 5) personal growth.
Now that you have the power of hindsight, what do you think the priorities should be ranked?
I have two areas of thought here, in response.
First, perhaps keep the ranking exactly the same. When children are young, they should be top priority, and equally essential is providing for them and the family as a whole.
The other sense I have is that the marriage is top priority, and only when that is healthy, then everything else works out. That would mean 3) becomes 1).
I'm torn here. The original ranking does not mean you neglect your marriage or neglect keeping your spouse happy, but the two of you should be grown-up enough to shoulder the burdens of parenthood without falling apart because every living minute isn't a romantic paradise. If there were 36 hours in the day, and children slept 16 of them, then there would be time!
My STBXW used to say little things that, viewed today, were some early signs. She would say, after an especially busy week when I traveled M-F and needed to decompress on Saturday, "sometimes you act like you're single." That hurt, because to me "acting like you're single" means philandering, hanging out with bros on Friday night at the local bar, and ignoring her. Sometimes I would be exasperated at such a comment, or sometimes dismissive. You know the story -- I was working my a-- off for the family, so she could stay home and raise the kids, and I get no appreciation. For a number of years I was traveling internationally on business, and then needed a full day to get back to the local time zone. She often didn't take that well either, took it personally. She loved the income and the lifestyle, but was so focused on herself!
I received one comment from a woman, whose marriage ended with the death of her husband from cancer, that "you have to play the hand you are dealt. If you keep complaining that the cards aren't right, or that things aren't fair, you will never be content." If my STBXW had an ounce of this wisdom there might have been a different outcome. She should have known better; we were a Christian couple and if anyone is prepared to understand this wisdom, a Christian is!
When she finally walked out, without advance notice, I am certain that she had spent years convincing herself she wasn't in love with me anymore. I was under some stress and had put on a lot of weight during that final year, so even looking at me might have been hard.
Sometimes I do wonder if all this wasn't inevitable given her character.
