bttrfly, may, DnJ, wooba, job, DejaVu, wooba... it was so nice to read your messages. I'm sorry I haven't had the time to reply to them or even write on other threads yet. Even now I am dropping in for some quick encouragement if anyone has more to offer.
I signed a retainer today with one of the Ls I consulted previously. A friend of a good friend had just gone through a long, contentious D and custody battle with a narcissist and recommended this L--she started out with others but fired them and was very happy with her. She didn't recommend anyone in our town. This seemed encouraging to me. I spoke to her again today and updated her on my situation. H's L apparently doesn't specialize in family law but splits time between that and criminal defense and injury law. This L didn't tell me what I wanted to hear--that none of this would go to court in a million years, that we could get H out of the house, etc. etc. She said H's decision is really weird, she never hears about fraud cases, and it doesn't seem that he has any ground. But she also said if he's determined to go to court no matter what, even if it's a waste of time, in the end, I can't control that. She said trying to get him out of the house would cost too much money to be worth it (another L I liked had said a restraining order should be within reach). She said the court doesn't usually award L fees except on an interim basis, even though I make less than him, and I probably wouldn't get help there since I can afford the retainer. In short, she'll work as hard as she can to get him to come to a D agreement, and if we have to go to court because he won't settle, she'll fight for me there.
I'm full of fear, resignation, and dread tonight. People close to me say they think he's expecting I won't stand up for myself. I'm thinking about how free I felt when I decided I wouldn't fight to stay in this house and would leave this state instead, start somewhere anew--that was before I found a job here, which I like, and which tethered me here again. I'm in the situation I didn't want to be in now, feeling backed into a corner, like he's going to try to take my house and pets, or it's going to cost me the savings I've managed to put together over the last year to try to keep them. If I try to find a different place to live, though, it'll cost me just as much in higher rent over the course of a year or so anyway, so maybe it's worth it to fight. But if we end up in court, even if it seems pretty clear that I am at a disadvantage and should get to stay here, there's never a guarantee that would be the outcome.
I know I'm getting way ahead of myself, fearing court and worst-case scenarios before this process has even really begun. I can't summon any strength or confidence. I'm just tired.
And wooba, I totally feel like I've crossed over into crazy territory now that H has done this! job, am I the only person here this has every happened to? I can only shake my head.
I hope I made the right decision with the L. If I had more money, maybe I would have done another consult, but I probably always would have second-guessed a decision this big and strange no matter how many I did.
job, if I've said too much here, please let me know.
