New here-heartbroken and confused

[BL42]

Rustymom,

Did anyone else have a really difficult time decreasing contact. Prior to DB, I used to text DH the occasional funny message etc. Now I only text in case of emergencies etc. He KNOWS how incredibly sorry I am, he knows I'm working my tail off to change, etc. He just doesn't care. So the ball is entirely in his court and me initiating is pointless. How did others stop apologizing, stop groveling, stop making contact? It's so hard when you feel like you messed up.

Yes, for sure. There were many times things came up I would normally shoot my W a text about which I had to hold back on. At first, despite my counselor, priest, and many websites including this one saying back off and give space I was texting more often things like that and reminders of our relationship and W said I was suffocating her. I undersood their point but was scared that with OM involved giving space would just allow the A to grow. Eventually I got the message and took online resources like this one to heart and stopped. So it happened over time. Now I only communicate about the kids, and mostly through email, though I miss that aspect of a relationship and not having someone to reach out to about funny things with the kids or at home or whatever. My parents and sister have acted as a surrogate to that role now in a lot of ways.