A day at a time

[KristinG]

Hey May. Sorry to hear it sounds like you're cycling a bit when you're feeling triggered. Good job staying silent and not letting the triggers cause emotional vomit. I agree with Allison, if you can figure out a way to create some distance and safety for you both either by finding something to help soothe yourself when you are triggered (instead of hoping and praying H will comfort you)? I relate so much. The depth of pain that washes over your gut when you're triggered is miserable. And to top it off, all you want is for H to wrap you up and tell you that he is sorry and loves you. It blows. IW has some great advice there with stopping the intrusive thoughts. I find it also helps to think of the worst case situation and realize that you will still be OK if that happens. The feelings overwhelming you in that moment won't matter when you're through this.

I noticed you said that you and H talked and have put sex on the back burner for now. I think that is completely healthy and fine, but a word of caution here. WW and I did the same thing at one point. She said that she felt like she just wanted to focus on us and rebuilding and worry about that part later. Then, in less than a month, she resumed PA with AP. Now, I say this not because I think that H is going to fly cross country and meet up with AP. But, looking back at my sitch, I think that WW wanted to resume things and subconsciously this gave her some peace of mind and lessened the guilt. I wonder if your H is wavering in his strength of remaining NC and that he might be subconsciously using the fact that you both have decided not to have sex to justify (possibly) reaching back out.

I really hope this is not the case and that I'm just reading into it. That's one thing interesting about this forum. Every sitch is different and we all have different viewpoints based on our own experience.

Big hugs May. Have a Happy Halloween with the girls!

Kristin