It's been awhile since I posted anything. I thought I would post an update. So after almost 4 months of not talking about the R, my wife finally decided to talk yesterday. I was in utter disbelief. She discussed some of her hurts that she is going through, said she is trying to heal but doesn't know if she will be able to. She broke down at one point and she spouted a little bit of vitriol (not much but it stung) I stayed grounded. I validated her feels and told her "I appreciate you being open and vulnerable with me. I know it's been tough on you" She was also curious about my personal progress. She said "It's seems like your doing really well". I told her that "for a long time I didn't like the man I saw in the mirror. I then said that "when I look in the mirror now, I see a man that I can be proud of, not only for myself but for my kids and friends. She asked if I had been drinking. I told her I have been sober since July 7. She said "that's great". The conversation was very interesting. Totally wasn't expecting it. She was intently listening to every word I was saying. Very quiet and taking it all in. I consider this a small win. Thoughts I did notice that when she picked up our daughter after our conversation, she was smiling non stop, seemed very happy and out of the corner of my eye, I could see her staring at me while I was giving the kids a hug goodbye. I know I need to keep working on myself, continue this process. I do have a question though. Now that she has opened up the line of communication, what do I do next? Should I try approaching her in a week or two to talk again? Or not? Do I let her lead? Do I ask her on a date? Not sure how to proceed? Any suggestions would be great appreciated.
Tim, if I were in your shoes I would affirm her movement toward you but not -- I repeat NOT -- go overboard and try to get back to "normal." Say sweet things but still tell her that you know she needs space. Tell her you need some space to continue to make yourself into the man you could be proud off. Maintain some mystery. Make her continually curious.
Meaning, play this out until she is desperate to have you back. Not just curious about having you back. It might take months, and that might be hard to tolerate. But you want her back forever, so another few months might feel like torture but it's just a blink of the eye.
I said this before, I see a happy ending ahead. But don't default to the old Tim. Things will never be the same as before, make sure that new Tim is your new character.
