But I do have one question. Don't all divorcees have to eventually talk about their exes? Whether it was 10 years or 30, that relationship had a huge influence on their life, and who they are today! So would it be better to say what you're looking for is whether they have settled feelings about their ex and their former marriage? Because I find it hard to believe that it wouldn't be a topic of conversation. Certainly, for me at least, if the relationship was to get serious I would WANT to know if there was serious baggage or woundedness, and that could only come about by discussing that prior marriage.
Sure, eventually. Just the same as any other topic that has baggage comes up like: upbringing, religion, politics etc. Do you expect people to go over those things on the first date in detail, too? For me, this was awkward to bring up on first dates, especially if I wasn't sure if I wanted to go on additional dates. I also did date people who knew me (e.g. not always on an app or something). I don't see my divorce from my first marriage as a huge influence on my current life, for the most part - while it wasn't that supremely long ago, we also don't have kids, didn't have joint property, and have not spoken since well before the D was finalized. It was my decision to D so I was very pleased with it and see it as a positive. I would never dodge the question, or mislead someone about it, it's just not defining to me as a person. When I dated after D, I dated some people who had been married previously, and some that had not. Most people have ex baggage, whether they were married or not. I can overcome some ex baggage, but certain religious or political things I cannot overcome, so those are more polarizing items that I'd rather know up front over exes.
I guess it's a fine line, isn't it? But anyone with his/her wits about them would know when the mention of the prior marriage is too much, too little, or just about right as the weeks pass by and you continue dating.
Because I think a dating partner who won't talk about an ex AT ALL is probably hiding something. Or carries a lot of guilt. Or, if mostly on the receiving end of a bad marriage (e.g., a victim) is deeply wounded.
