Somehow we missed the memo that we need to keep focused on our personal growth during the marriage.
Curious that you say this. In my situation at least, wouldn't the bigger issue have been my not staying in touch with who she is, who she became, and actively investing in the relationship? I don't disagree that we need to personally grow but -- this is not meant to be cynical -- sometimes the years from age 30-55 are so damn busy making a career and raising kids that you don't get time to focus on personal growth.
I'd rank the priorities during that period, in fact, as: 1) providing for the family; 2) raising well-adjusted children; 3) doing your best to keep your spouse happy; 4) staying physically healthy; 5) personal growth.
Because after the kids leave the house then #1-2 go away, and #3-5 all kind of mush together. I just didn't get the chance to really get to Phase 2 before she walked out, mostly because I didn't attend much to #3.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Living with someone else is crazy hard.
Wow, a nice insight.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
There is another guy buried down inside you. He is the one that needs to be projected out during this. It is kinda Yin-yang thing. You want your wife to see a complete different you. Confident and excited about the future.
My wife will never see the new me. She has made that quite clear. But there will be another Mrs Tom someday. She will be the lucky beneficiary.
Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Always helpful to remind us of this from time to time as well as when you decide you need a different kind of help.
Thanks, R2C, for these words. Sometimes I feel chipper and other times the load feels so damn heavy. I am past missing her every day, so the burden is mostly facing the fact -- one I still cannot shake -- of having failed. I know you have counseled otherwise, and I believe you intellectually, but the visceral feelings are usually on top.
