I always answer questions like this with a question (or questions). Do you want to be separated? Do you want a D? Here is the thing, WASs/WSs are notoriously lazy when it comes to these things. She wants you to do all the work. She wants to be able to look back and tell people (your kids?) that YOUR dad was the one that wanted a separation and/or divorce. Trust me on this, I've seen it dozens of times. One S has an affair or wants out of the marriage. The LBS finally gets tired of waiting and files for D. Years later the WAS' story is that "we were having problems, and ScottB pulled the plug."
I've told lots of LBS that were in IHS before, that if you think separation is going to help or fix things etc then you are sorely mistaken. We see a myriad of sitches on this forum and it always amazes me the GRASS IS GREENER attitude that LBS have. If in IHS they say "if we didn't have to see each other so much" etc....... But then read the sitches that are in physical separation. You see those LBSs saying "She won't talk to me. I have no way of showing her my many changes I am making." I've also so seen many IHS LBSs that HAD to push for S for their own sanity, only to find themselves separated and wishing they weren't.
The moral of this story is that Scott if you want a separation, then yes go for it. If you want a D, then yes go for it. But do not do it to fix the marriage or have any such expectation. Do not do it to "wake her up" to the reality of the sitch. If you try to S or D for any other reason than to be S or D then you will look back with regrets that you are S or D!!
My advice is to not lift a finger. Next time it comes up tell her it is her choice to S or D, not yours. If she wants S or D then SHE should move out and/or file. Of course she wants to make it your choice. It is like going out to eat. "Where do you want to go to eat?" "I don't know, where do you want to go to eat?" No one wants to make a choice in case it turns out to be the wrong choice! She is doing the same thing here.
Ride it out. Make her do the work. Listen and validate. Make no promises. Open that cage door and let her decide whether to go through it or not.
H 34 W 29 BD 3/12/18 Divorce Busted Spring 19
It is not things that bother us, but the stories we tell ourselves about things.
