Hello PLC

Well done speaking with H during those “thaws”. MLCers do peek out of the tunnel every once in a while. They do keep tabs on us.

Keep doing what you’re doing. Continue to live and be a safe place for him to land. His poking his head out, thanking you for diner, asking about lunch, etc... is interesting. What it means is still too early to tell.

A week or so ago the ice was broken. Keep leading the way. Show kindness, compassion, and common courtesy. He is watch, and seeing if you will rip his head off for all the terrible stuff he’s done. You haven’t and that has maybe set him back somewhat and he is taking notice.

I suspect he will dip back into the tunnel. They do like to process things, all hidden away from the LBS.

A question: Yes, it is not your job to inform H every night that super is ready. However, why are you purposefully planning not to?

Just go about your evening, and if H’s door is open tell him there is food on the table. Or text him. Or not. Kind of see what is going on that day and go from there. But to forward think not to?

One of my most painful realization in my situation is - without communication nothing is going to get better between XW and I.

Of course, at the beginning the MLCer doesn’t want to talk to us. Time and space are extremely important. And they still are, you just got to follow H’s lead on that.

However, with ice broken, and a few somewhat cordial comments, why stop? Let H lead the pace of things. You are more than willing, I think, to speak with him. Extend the olive branch without expectation. At times he will reach back, and other times he won’t. Just do it with no pressure. Saying goodbye or that a meal is ready is a pretty good opening for him to talk when he feels ready.

You are demonstrating a good role model to him. Eventually he has to emulate it back. Hopefully.

And I think it is too early to be crawling into bed with him. smile Boy oh boy, I remember there are some wild feelings with indifference waxing and waning. Weather the storm. Calm seas are ahead.

D

Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.