It's been awhile since I posted anything. I thought I would post an update. So after almost 4 months of not talking about the R, my wife finally decided to talk yesterday. I was in utter disbelief. She discussed some of her hurts that she is going through, said she is trying to heal but doesn't know if she will be able to. She broke down at one point and she spouted a little bit of vitriol (not much but it stung) I stayed grounded. I validated her feels and told her "I appreciate you being open and vulnerable with me. I know it's been tough on you" She was also curious about my personal progress. She said "It's seems like your doing really well". I told her that "for a long time I didn't like the man I saw in the mirror. I then said that "when I look in the mirror now, I see a man that I can be proud of, not only for myself but for my kids and friends. She asked if I had been drinking. I told her I have been sober since July 7. She said "that's great". The conversation was very interesting. Totally wasn't expecting it. She was intently listening to every word I was saying. Very quiet and taking it all in. I consider this a small win. Thoughts I did notice that when she picked up our daughter after our conversation, she was smiling non stop, seemed very happy and out of the corner of my eye, I could see her staring at me while I was giving the kids a hug goodbye. I know I need to keep working on myself, continue this process. I do have a question though. Now that she has opened up the line of communication, what do I do next? Should I try approaching her in a week or two to talk again? Or not? Do I let her lead? Do I ask her on a date? Not sure how to proceed? Any suggestions would be great appreciated.
When in doubt, do nothing. Remember, as Cadet says, doing nothing is doing something. LBSs always feel a need to act, but most actions related to the WAS are pressure and pursuit. One of the things about is LBSs is that as soon as DBing starts having an impact, we abandon it. Now is the time to double down on your DB efforts, not ease up. So continue to keep the focus off of her and onto you. GAL, keep improving, keep working on detachment. She is like a cat, you have to let her come to you on her terms. Reaching for her will send her running the other way.
Trust the process
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
