Hoch, I have been following you since you first posted but I am not sure I have ever written here. But I am compelled to do so now because I think you have done such an immense amount of self-discovery work in the past four months and I am an impressed outsider.
The masculine/feminine dynamic you have uncovered in your M is fascinating. But as Valeska points out, it may be shortsighted to classify it into distinct 'traits' or roles between the male and female. Have you ever explored Carl Jung's theory on anima/animus archetypes? Your W and yourself might have developed an animus and anima imbalance (though it is always a spectrum). I think you would find it interesting in your situation if you were to explore that famine/masculine dynamic through this slightly different psychoanalytical lens.
No matter if you have been DB'd or not, your M is at an inflection point and you are right to explore everything in the process of discovering whether or not what you have is salvageable.
This board is a safe place to try on new hats. Don't overthink your words or how people in this space will react to them. Keep being authentic. It will help you on your journey to deeper self-discovery (ie 'oh wow, lots of people said the same thing, I must be on the wrong or right path here').
And from my (new-ish) to DB perspective, I think you are doing a lot of the right things. Trying new tactics, owning what works and discarding what doesn't. At the end of the day, you will be a better person for all this, no matter what the outcome.
