Hi PLC... I am so sorry for your sadness right now. I too have been sad today, it must be the moon.
I would like to chime in on the acceptance piece of your conversation with DnJ. Only because I believe for the first time in my sitch, I finally understand and feel acceptance.
Acceptance for me feels like 'meh'. Neutral. Neither terribly bothered by H's actions; nor completely immune from them (immunity might be what complete indifference feels like?). Just neither here nor there. The things that used to really trigger an internal emotional response in me just don't as much anymore. When they do, I am more curious about what that means in terms of my own journey and self-development, than what that means in terms of my R with H.
I can honestly say that if H were to come banging down my door with flowers and a new ring and begging my forgiveness and love back, I would ask him for time. Not because I don't trust his intentions or think he has more work to do on his own journey, or anything about him really. But because I know that I have more work to do on my own journey and that will need to come before I am capable of any R.
I have accepted H's journey. It has taken me a long time, but he is where he is right now and it has very little to nothing to do with me. And though I came kicking and screaming to this party, I am learning so much about myself that I am not sure I would change anything at the moment.
Someone could have written these exact words to me and I wouldn't have fully understood until I reached this place in my heart where I am now. It is all a journey.
