It’s not about standing. It’s not about H. It’s about you.
Originally Posted by PLC
I feel that I have accepted that he does not want to be married.
I know you understand and accept your feelings about H.
You haven’t accepted your feelings about you yet. That’s the sadness. As we process and understand the situation, we discover ourselves.
Originally Posted by PLC
I have suppressed these feelings...
Do you want to be married? Do you want to stand? Are you happy with your beliefs and values? Proud of them? Can you love? Do you believe in your vows? Etc...
We do find indifference. And we do find our feelings again.
Indifference is part of our defensive mechanism, a healthy and needed state. Later, as we heal, we find indifference fades and our feelings return. We are no longer so hurt and distraught as we once were, so the mechanism unwinds.
This has to happen. One cannot accept their feelings if they are locked away.
Originally Posted by PLC
You stated that sadness/depression precedes acceptance. What does that mean for me?
You continue on your path. You keep standing! You keep gal and focus on you.
Finding acceptance requires one to believe in what they are accepting. Feelings are too fleeting to base acceptance upon. Accepting one’s feelings is based upon one’s beliefs.
Beliefs are influenced by our thoughts and feelings. And our thoughts and feelings are lead by our beliefs.
That is not as circular as it may appear. One’s beliefs lead them, and beliefs can be influenced - strengthened and altered.
It looks to me like you are questioning your values. Testing them. Ensuring they are strong. For what good are beliefs and values if they crumble under pressure. We do this, emotionally test ourselves, to ensure our beliefs, to ensure our acceptance. It’s important to be able to believe in one’s self. To know your strength.
Sadness and depression comes when facing your situation, seeing it for what it is. All the emotional bargaining has failed, and you stand. It becomes you and your beliefs upon the cusp of acceptance. Continue walking the path. Your feelings are real, your sadness is real, and it will change - follow your beliefs.
Sadness / depression precedes acceptance.
This is normal and perfectly fine. And quite healthy. It just takes some time to get through to the other side. Be patient. You will be amazed at what you are going to find.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
