Fierce compassion, equanimity, integrity

[Rita]

Cardinal, big hug to you. I remember that feeling. My H did that when I was home with our kids and refused to move out for over a year until I paid him to move out. He is still trying to destroy me.

I don' think it's possible not to feel what you are feeling.

But I will say that it's all lies (from the devil, I mean, that sort of lies).

Of course he will try to legitimize the ways he has hurt you.

The only thing you have to know is that you believed in your marriage and your man. You loved honestly and truly. You knew what you were getting into when you married him -- e.g., you knew what marriage was. Your ability to love him is not indicative of his current ability to love you. Try not to get confused. Be sad that he lost his mind rather than angry that he is saying those things about your marriage or you.

If his GF served you, she is possessed by the dark side even more than the average OW. She is a little ant and not worth your notice.

It's probably not possible to think clearly now. It hurts too much. But know that you will get there.

Annulment in a Catholic sense? That's not how it works. It's about whether or not you understood the sacrament you were undertaking. Or if he was insane at the time. It's a long process.

Let him spin his wheels on all of this. Your one and only goal -- protect your finances and get as much of what you deserve as you are willing to battle for. If you don't want any of it, sign the papers and be done. If you want something, just focus on that and don't worry about the truth of who did what. You know what the truth is. He will either wake up and realize that or he never will. Don't justify yourself or your past.

You should get a lawyer but you don't need one to respond to this first thing. Don't rush to find someone, find the really right one for you. You are contesting the divorce, right? E.g., you are not okay with what he plans to do for dividing what you have? So it's a contested divorce. There is a site for family law self help, it's a center and an org. Do a web search and it should pop right up. It will explain to you what to do to buy the time you need to answer -- essentially that you are contesting the divorce and that you need time to find a lawyer and request the maximum amount of time to do.

((((Cardinal)))))