Fumbling my way forward

[TJT]

No worries Dawn, I appreciate being challenged on my feelings generally speaking, and understand that the details help to paint a more complete picture as well that maybe were more clear in my head than in my writing upon first pass.

I think feelings are a delicate balance and I try to check mine regularly because I know my anxiety can lie to me. Sometimes we create them without any basis in reality, but at other times I believe they are warranted.

Either way, I still think the advice to go to this event, stay positive, and see what happens is the right thing. It's just what other advice I can get to stay in that positive mindset, and how much should realistically be expected of me (like, I'm totally not gonna be all "omg give me a hug!") and generally speaking I'm one of those RBF people because I'm an introvert and making small talk is hard enough with people I don't know, let alone in a situation like this!

It will be hard, but if my SO truly walks the talk about our conversation this morning about also understanding my feelings, I am hopeful it will go ok. He is not a super romantic so I know he's not going to go above and beyond to make me feel extra "ok" for this darn thing to make up for the past, but the reason I've stuck with him is because typically he will do the tiniest things to adjust that I recognize are not in his usual nature and that show me he is trying. His baseline measurement may be a little different than others, but at least he shifts some later even if he doesn't validate me up front.