I very much appreciate the advice and perspectives here.
I’m listening to my intuition, and it is also telling me to give these changes more time. I’m not ready to pull the plug and mean it yet. If that time comes, I will know. I have a rough timeline in my head that I am going to put on a shelf for now.
In the moment I am recommitting to personal growth, honesty, and getting rid of the NGS. I’ve spoken to my therapist about my two revelations - that while I was always the “social” and “honest” one in the relationship, I’m now realizing that my NGS actually meant I was socially-anxious and DIShonest. He will be giving me tools to work on both.
One thing that I want to ask the group here: emotional transparency and honesty are new to me. Such as the other day, when my wife came home and I was tempted to say everything had been fine with the kids, but I was instead open and honest and said “I was going to lie but this has been a nightmare.” The honesty felt good and was received well.
So about that honesty - if I’m pursuing full transparency, and my wife asks me if something’s wrong, wouldn’t an open and honest person say “I’m having a really hard time because our marriage and relationship are so distant right now” ?
Not blaming, not opening up a discussion, it would simply be honesty in the moment, and then I would walk away and expect no answer. Wouldn’t that be honest? How honest is “honest?” It sure seems like “honesty” and “no R talks” are in conflict. I’m curious to see what people say.
