Excellent questions and insight into your inner challenges and changes.
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...but in the broader sense of trying to building a roadmap towards friendship and mutual respect.
Don’t try - do.
Friendship and mutual respect will take two parties involvement.
Originally Posted by Sage4
I can see that H is not going to instigate this, nor offer an olive branch. But I know that he would likely respond positively if I were to do so.
Yes, that is most likely true. Your role would be to lead.
Originally Posted by Sage4
How do I navigate this in terms of standing for and trying to 'save' my M and/or build a post-M friendship with H?
Be kind and cordial. Compassionate and indifferent (when called for).
Led and live your life honourable and respectfully. To H, to others, and most importantly to you.
You lead. You live that life, that person you want to be, that women only a fool would leave. If H doesn’t follow. If H leaves - then he is without doubt, a fool.
Marriage restored, or post-M friendship, or whatever - ensure your side of the street is proper. Be the best you can will be.
kml and May have both given great advice. Figure out your healthy boundaries and stick to them. That is being true to you, and leading H (and others). We really do teach people how to treat us.
You act respectfully and boundary H’s disrespect. That is the path to friendship and mutual respect. Will H walk it?
“I know that he would likely respond positively if I were to do so.”
If H’s running is winding down, ensure you remain a safe place for him to land. Lashing out, or punishing, will not have a good affect. You need to be the bigger person, and bite your tongue. Don’t worry, later, much later, you will have opportunities to ask those questions and say those comments. Funny thing, those very things so pressing right now, become less and less important as you progress. Remember feelings fade; find your believes and values.
Those convictions, values, and beliefs - those are what you stand with. It becomes standing for you. It’s not standing to save your M, it’s standing to save you. It’s standing to become you.
My advice, and what I’ve followed (I believe) - be you. The best you. If that leads to the demise of your M or R, so be it. It’s not that the M or R wasn’t worth saving - it is you are worth saving!
H will do what he will do. You become the best version of yourself, and no matter what the outcome is of your M or R, you will not regret your life and choices.
In the broader sense, that is the path.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
