It really doesn't work to try to "nice" someone back from the brink of a divorce. I have seen a lot more results when the WAS saw the LBS starting to get their own life and they realized they weren't waiting quietly on a shelf for them as a Plan B - sometimes the WAS will wake up and start to realize what they are losing.
And you handled it in the right way - not as punishment, but simply acknowledging that it hurts you too much for him to be there at this time. You're not shutting the door, you're just not allowing him to abuse you. It's setting a healthy boundary. You can be kind and have healthy boundaries at the same time. Stick to the high road but at the same time don't let him cross those healthy boundaries.
And you're right - if he can't respect your pain, if he can't feel an appropriate amount of concern for the pain he is causing you, then it might not be a relationship worth saving. Time will tell.
