On the other hand, Sage-- I've never had a white Christmas! Maybe one day. I'd settle for seeing snow for the first time. You've had the best of both worlds. Hopefully you can make it back here someday after all this COVID craziness.
Thank you, I do feel pretty great these days.
The reality is that S2 does not have an evident attachment to his dad. When X drops S2 home, he doesn't give the boy a cuddle or tell him he loves him. On S2's part, he ignores X as soon as I open the front door and runs toward me in relief. He is content enough to go with X whenever he visits, which is good. But he never asks for him or about him on the in-between days unless I raise the topic.
The other day we were talking about it and he said "My dad doesn't like cuddles"... Yikes. S2 is a very loving, tactile child; so much so that his daycare teacher calls him Casanova! So that was a bit sad to hear.
The daycare had parent teacher night recently. I kept an eye on the signup sheet to see if X would book an appointment; spoiler alert, he didn't. The feedback I received was wonderful. They said S2 is a mature, sensitive and confident little boy who is advanced in every area. He is even-keeled and agreeable and responds well to instruction. He verbalises emotions amazingly well, eg. "I am feeling frustrated because you told me no".
He's not a perfect child by any means; he's still a toddler after all! He'll be three in February. X has now officially been out of his life longer than he was in it. A sobering thought.
Regarding the OW, I haven't really given it much thought beyond idle curiosity and the potential impact on S2. If they have split up, I feel a bit sorry for X. I think he'll struggle with intimate relationships his whole life. He really did have it easy with me as I was so accommodating. I'm interested in what, if any, lessons he's learning now that he's branched out and had experience with someone else.
I do wonder whether he will mellow in his attitude if OW isn't in the picture and he's no longer trying to justify and defend his affair. He hasn't responded further about changing the custody agreement to give him more time. It wasn't a totally useless exercise-- he now knows where I stand, long-term, regarding education, extracurriculars, holidays etc. So I guess we'll maintain the status quo unless he feels motivated enough to change it.
Regardless of his relationship status, I'm not expecting him to have any grand realisations or regrets or remorse. It's more likely he'll continue finding ways to blame me, especially if he is a 'dark triad' personality, as kml said.
Years ago X and I had an argument over a brand new motorbike he'd bought without my knowledge or input. I was upset he'd taken out a $10k personal loan while we were scrimping and saving for a house deposit. He left in a rage, then called to yell at me because he'd dropped the motorbike on the road. I was concerned-- was he hurt? My concern made him more angry. Apparently it was my fault that he'd dropped the bike because I'd started the argument and made him lose his focus. I mean, really?!
I'm so glad you've revamped your bedroom, Sage. It's an empowering act to reclaim your space. (((Sage)))
