WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (2)

[BL42]

Steve85,

This is what was so amazing in the midst of my sitch. My WW's capacity to just throw relationships away like bad rubbish. She was oblivious to the pain she would be causing others. Like your W and mother, my W and mother have always been very close. Much closer than my W and her own mother! But in the midst of our sitch my W completely ignored my mom. My mom had just come off of a very rough patch health wise, and my WW was not there for her at all like she normally would have been. My mom never said anything about, and my W and I kept our troubles from everyone we knew. But I do wonder if my mom wondered why my W was not there for her at all.

Crazy. It's scary how easy it is for our Ws to throw away those close relationships. Maybe she does know the pain she's causing and she's just embarrassed to be around her because of it, or maybe she's oblivious to it, but her and my mom was extremely close for 8 years and is still helping S5 with his virtual Kindergarten 5 days a week (even on W's week) and W won't even say hello to her. Looking back on W's relationships with family and friends though she has had falling outs and cut people off in the past - I guess me and my family missed the red flags and were naive to think it wouldn't happen to us.

This is why we try to tell people to not share your sitch with others. Now if your W ever decides to come back, she will have to reconcile with your mother too. Sometimes the peripheral relationships are harder to heal than the primary (MR) one. But in some sitches it is impossible to hide.

For better or worse that ship has sailed. I told my parents and sister immediately after BD and they learned about the affair shortly thereafter right along with me, before finding this site. I leaned on them for support quite a bit and can't imagine doing those first few months without them. Not sure W is ever coming back - though I guess things can turn on a dime sometimes - and not sure if I could even take her back (at this point it would be mostly to do the right thing for the kids).

Keep focusing on you BL....it will get better no matter what.

Thanks Steve, I'm trying! It has gotten better over the months and I'm sure it'll continue to. I have certainly worked on me but my main focus has been the kids. They'll always be #1, but I may need to balance it out a bit and start the work out routine again. Because I'm virtually and have a flex schedule at work I've been bending over backwards to spend my mornings and afternoons (before and after school) and Fridays with them on my "off weeks" when my W has to be in work to maintain that daily interaction, but that does wear on me a bit - I need to be a little better about carving out more time for myself.