Thanks everyone. I have backed off and I am giving her space.
Bravo!
Originally Posted by WMWB
She does openly admit that she thinks she is going through grieving the R with the OM and she did say she wasn't sure what she wanted and that her head was all over the place and is full of doubts but she does want to try work on us. So I guess right now I just need to take her word for it and go with the flow as they say.
But remember that one of Sandi's rules of WAWs is to not expect logic from them. So she might contradict herself tomorrow and don't get frustrated. She might say the A with the OM is over one day, and then see him that weekend. Don't be frustrated by this.
Originally Posted by WMWB
Is it pursuing if I drop her a quick text to ask her how her day is going or should I just leave her be?
You need to create some mystery and some level of curiosity with her. So don't text her. Just wish her a good day in the morning and leave it at that. In fact, if I were in your shoes, I'd back away from her kisses one morning and say, "You know, you need some space and I want to honor that. But I need some as well, so let's not kiss as if it were the old days. Someday we might again, but for now I need some space, too." Limit the conversation you initiate to the minimum necessary for the logistics of the house. Always be pleasant, always look good.
Originally Posted by WMWB
Of course it hurts that she walked out of the marriage rather than working on it and decided to replace me with someone else ... I too carry guilt for the role I played in allowing my M to get into this state.
Welcome to the club. That's how I have felt for the past year since the sweetest woman in the universe -- my STBXW -- walked out on me, without warning.
Originally Posted by WMWB
It certainly is super frustrating and unfair and it does make me feel angry at times that she wanted to come back and is now backsliding perhaps due to deceit or perhaps due to going through the motions -- who knows. Sometimes I feel like she is trying to push me away with her actions but then I remind myself I shouldn't assume anything as I don't know what's going on in her head. Plus its just stupid stuff like I ask her how her day was and she doesn't ask me about my day
OK. You vented these sentiments again. Now remember what everyone else is telling you. Don't expect logic or balance for now. Just GAL, do 180s, and detach. This has to sink in so you can prepare yourself for either outcome in the future.
Don't ask her how her day was. Just say welcome home or hi. Don't ask her where she is going if she leaves. If I were you, I wouldn't even plan dinner around her.
Originally Posted by WMWB
I keep reminding myself for now is that at least she is home and with her here that gives the best chance for the situation to improve.
