That's such an interesting point, Blu. I like to look out for your posts.
I imagine people trying to repair a broken marriage as standing on a see-saw. If one of them steps forward to take some responsibility, but the other doesn't, the whole thing is unbalanced. It can be just as destructive to repair to accept responsibility for too much, as it can be to accept responsibility for too little. And things will definitely wobble a lot as both partners step forwards at different times, in different ways, and to different degrees. When the betrayed spouse steps forward and says some version of 'I want to explore my part in the brokeness that was the context of your infidelity' that's a healthy and good move. When the betrayed spouse says 'I want you to explore in what ways you made it easier for me to be unfaithful' that's a bad move. I guess ideally both partners would have their hands full of their own stuff, and be too busy dealing with that to start heaping stuff on their spouse.
