Yail, thank you. My W and I both went away this weekend separately and it is the first time in 21 years we were NC. It was extraordinarily difficult for me not to pick up the phone and call her all weekend. I finally caved on my 4 hour drive home.
So this is when a 2x4 might be coming your way.
Originally Posted by Mar252
I called her first. It was a strained conversation and I probably shouldn’t have even bothered trying. She is totally distant.
Ouch. You have been burnt again by the fire. NC is hard... really hard. Detachment... fvcking svcks. It is however the only way you can start protecting your heart Mar. Every time you do this - you open yourself for pain. You want to put boundaries on your wife... but the work starts within. Pulling back is about setting a boundary on yourself because you know... it's going to be painful and so out of emotional safety - you take care of yourself.
Originally Posted by Mar252
Although, she says she is not ready for a divorce I really think she has made up her mind that she no longer wants this marriage. I am convinced that she has fallen in love with the OW.
This is mind reading. The bigger question is what do you need to do. Obviously the want is to be married - but that's not on the table now. So what do you want/need? Try to tell us and leave out your wife if that makes sense. For example:
"I need emotional safety" "I need emotional support" "I need to feel good about myself"
And then ask yourself? How do I go about getting these things that I need.
((Mar))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
