Thanks everyone. I have backed off and I am giving her space.
All of the scenarios that may22 outlined have crossed my mind and of course I'm not a mind reader (wish I was) and honestly at this point I can't tell which of the above scenarios I'm in based on my W actions so far. She does openly admit that she thinks she is going through grieving the R with the OM and she did say she wasn't sure what she wanted and that her head was all over the place and is full of doubts but she does want to try work on us. So I guess right now I just need to take her word for it and go with the flow as they say.
When she leaves for work she gives me an open mouth kiss and then I usually don't hear from her until she is home. Is it pursuing if I drop her a quick text to ask her how her day is going or should I just leave her be?
Strangely enough may22 my wife does seems to see the A as a Ross & Rachel situation as she was "only" texting the guy as "friends" and they "only" became physical when she said we where over and right now (at least not openly) she just doesn't seem to acknowledge the texting action (emotional) lead to the physical. Or acknowledge the pain this has caused me although of course if its true about her coming off the addiction of this A I can understand why that may be the case. Of course it hurts that she walked out of the marriage rather than working on it and decided to replace me with someone else which has left me feeling insecure and has shot my self esteem to pieces (things I am now working on), and then don't get me started on the blame shifting and gas lighting which I honestly think did most of the damage. I too carry guilt for the role I played in allowing my M to get into this state.
It certainly is super frustrating and unfair and it does make me feel angry at times that she wanted to come back and is now backsliding perhaps due to deceit or perhaps due to going through the motions who knows. Sometimes I feel like she is trying to push me away with her actions but then I remind myself I shouldn't assume anything as I don't know what's going on in her head. Plus its just stupid stuff like I ask her how her day was and she doesn't ask me about my day (I know it sounds petty), or that she would rather sit on her phone than maybe watch something together or have a conversation.
I keep reminding myself for now is that at least she is home and with her here that gives the best chance for the situation to improve.
