Tom, My wife feels nothing for me, indifference, no guilt, no shame, no tears, doesn't care that its hurting the kids, she lives with us but is never home, its like she is not even the same person. Like she died and some other woman replaced her that is selfish and emotionless to me or the children she loved like 2 months ago....
Steve, this will pass. Based on what I've read here, she will not be like that permanently. It takes patience, that we often find it hard to be patient. She is numb. That's the only way she can suppress the fact that what she is doing is wrong. That is exactly how my STBXW was when she walked out. The numbness will go away.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I feel like the moment I tell my stbxw that I wont watch the kids every single nite so she can spend it with OM she will get that way.
This is a very real concern. In fact, I think you should begin this discussion with her. Tell her that you are trying to blossom, like she is, and that the two of you should share babysitting costs when you're both out. Don't threaten, don't tell her you're trolling for chicks, just say it's been two months and I'm not going to be tied to home anymore. See how she responds. If she ignores you, then just do it anyway. If her practice is to leave at 6 pm to see the boyfriend, then you just leave at 5:30 without telling her. Leave her a note on the kitchen saying, "the kids are yours tonight! Sorry, but I need some freedom!" You can even "sweeten" your actions by leaving a hot dinner that you purchased from the store on the table. So she can hardly conclude "what an [censored]" if you had dinner for them to eat.
Originally Posted by Steve_
She is only the way she is since I am not fighting this D or trying to hold back her single life dreams.
Yes. She is behaving very immaturely. She knows it deep down but is in denial because the OM and the intense sex they are no doubt having is just too much fun. Do what I said above, stop imagining herself with the other dude but just start getting out yourself.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I figured if I just sit back and take care of the kids the more time she spends with OM the sooner it will fizzle out / the honeymoon phase ends and reality can take hold.
Yes, as I said in my prior reply, this will end. 2 months seems like eternity but in the end it isn't very long. And just because she says she wants to look into getting back together, you need to be very circumspect. She has lots of "splainin" to do. Resuming things should not be automatic.
Originally Posted by Steve_
But Ill admit it doesn't help me feel any better when she tells me "stay strong your a good man, im sorry" either way this still [censored]
I think that is false flattery. A way to keep you at home providing her with free babysitting. GAL and start going out. Lose weight. Buy some weights and start using them a couple of times a day in the garage or basement. Buy some tight muscle shirts.
FYI, I had already been on a weight loss regimen when my ex walked out, but I lost another 10 pounds, so I was at 195 lbs on a 6' frame. Not my high school weight but no more protruding belly. I bought some black pants (the black stretchy denim ones at Costco) and some black t-shirts that Costco calls 32 deg cool. For the first time in my life, this tech guy looked kind of cool in all black.
All of a sudden, women of all ages were looking at me (I'm late 50s with salt and pepper hair). Went to a dance bar with some friends, and some much younger gal pulled me to her to dance with her. That didn't happen when I was in my 20s.
Do it! It will do wonders for your self-confidence.
Originally Posted by Steve_
I never wanted my kids to have a step-dad, Im actually a good father.
Don't let this torment you. It is out of your control for now whether they have a 2nd "dad" someday.
Your kids will always, ALWAYS, know the difference between their loving dad and a step-dad. But you will be a better Dad if you get out of your doldrums, as soon as possible. They will notice. [/quote]
