And we keep moving on.

[Irish M]

Hi everyone

Gerda, it is heart breaking. From day one that she stopped seeing the girls my heart broke. I know i can't make everyone happy but to fill the hole she made. Impossible. Time does heal but in MLC the pain just fades.

I have had more texts from her these past few days. The most vivid she has been in a long while. As for not telling the kids, i held back until they approached me and asked what’s going on with mom.

They revoiced similar messages from her. Detailing more of the past events and her justification of it. They too are direct with her and defend their integrity and their side of the story. XW tries but gets shut down fast.

Roist, I agree, she is in a bad place. I truly fear for her not being able to deal with the damage she has caused.

I also agree the past can not be undone. That’s where i hope the tools I have given these past 5 years help connect them in a healthy way and one of forgiveness.

Hi peace and bttrfly . thanks for your prayers. I think we all need it from time to time. The positive energy we share here is so good and heart felt.

So, XW has continued to message me. I was going to tell her to stop trashing our relationship. Her opinion isn't my own.

instead I didn't have to. She never went back to that in her next texts. It's like her too is tired and drained of trying to convince me.

Early morning ext. 3am. I see it when i get up to get ready for work

Irish, I keep waking up thinking of the girls. Thinking of what I had. That I ruined so much.
I don't think I was myself. Depressive, feeling lost, not loved, not wanted.. I told you I needed to find myself and I left. I thought I could have done it with the girls in my life but they chose to not be with me. My Bf at the time had nothing to do with it. They shouldn't of denied me as their mother because I had a BF, and if they would have talked to me maybe my relationship with him would have been over sooner. I would have realized they needed me. I couldn't be alone, i needed to feel something. I know now that’s not the way it's supposed to be but at that time it's how I felt. I was scared and alone. Today i feel I am a different person. I know I can be alone and I’m good with that.
I have a lot of pictures and I look at them all the time. I wish I can create new memories with them.


Now I could have pointed out that she went manic, abandoned them and her Bf was a drug dealer but I held back, There is no point to that now.

I do remember you saying you needed to find yourself. Remember I offered to hep set up your apartment. I understood you needed time. This isn't the first time we went through this. 15 years ago you did the same.

I truly believe one day you will connect. I am in your corner. Even with all the bad i kept you in the loop with their health and updates. Yes, the last 2 years I stopped, only because I never got the " How are the girls message from you. not once.

Life certainly doesn't taste the same... I don’t know if it's the same for you but me \I don’t enjoy it as much as before... and |I try hard but I'm kind of disconnected. All the small things now it's like ok whatever get over it... I'd say everything is boring... my therapist told me that I put my feelings on hold. She said it's not good but I don't care.

I don't know if you understand me... old pictures... past presents... years I missed. heavy heart and regrets.

Hope you have a good day; you are lucky to have them in your life. Cherise those moments.

I do understand and I am happy you are talking to someone. Have a good day too

thanks Irish, you were always a good listener. I just need to learn to talk.


Clearly her mind is spinning with the old memories. Is this a temporary thing like I’ve seen in the past with her? Or is this the start of a wake up.
Time will tell. I’m in no rush.

The girls had received messages, at first, she was attacking them. How could they and so on. But she changed her toon when she got direct replies putting her in her place. Her last message to them was heart felt and warm. It was actually asking about them and her missing them. Misses the closeness she had with them pre-MLC.

They seemed a little more curious but didn’t ask about her life or how she was. They, XW and the girls have a long road in front of them. I’ll support both teams the best I can. I’m here to listen and nudge where I can as long as it’s a healthy reunion. I’ll be happy.