The only help I can offer is to keep going. You have some plans, keep working towards them. When you remove yourself from this you will start to feel so much better. Of course there is a process ahead of you - I'm not denying that - but you are removing yourself from the traumatic experiences and that is an important step. That will help.
I'm most impressed with your clear understanding that you need to take care of yourself. So many people give their spouse too much power over their actions for too long. You know your worth, and perhaps because of that you are devastated. The important part of that sentence though is that you know your worth.
Right now it's just one foot in front of the other. You'll slog through, and then it will be a bit easier.
