After my wife left I had thought about the things I had let slide for me (not just in the marriage) and I decided to get fit again and started walking and swimming and I am still doing both on a regular basis, making a conscious effort to get more sleep and to eat healthier which again I continue to do. I wasn't much of a reader but started to read some non-fiction books which I am enjoying. I've paid a lot of the debt we had (around 95%) and have started saving and I have a 5 year plan for that.
I am not a shoulder to cry on when it comes to the OM and she knows that, we do not talk about him and what her current feelings for him are but she has mentioned that her feelings are mixed up and she is trying to work through them. At this point I honestly don't know if she is in contact with the OM she does leave her phone down now and again and I have the pin but it would likely be pointless to check it as the messages would probably be deleted anyway and its imessages so doesn't show up on phone bill.
Its true I am hyper vigilant right now and I do watch what she does and I need to learn to get that under control and not to focus so much on the small things. I guess with all of the crap she was saying the months she was away and now the backsliding its left me feeling as if she is really committed but at the same time she says if she wasn't she'd just move out again.
You've heard the saying: A watched pot never boils? Well a watched WAS never returns. Watching them makes them realize that they could have you back at anytime, and that security and satisfaction is all the WAS is looking for right now. You are Plan B. And as long as Plan B, their safety net, is in place then they feel they can just continue doing what they are doing and always come back later. This is the huge mistake so many LBSs make. Making it clear that through their lying, cheating, emotionally abusing, etc, that they can always just waltz back to the LBS anytime they decide to makes them MORE of a walkaway then kicking them to the curb. People want what they can't have, as long as they can have you, they won't want you.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
