I totally planned on saying something, but I am mad. I know I can say it the next time. But I do want him to know that I am not going to think it is ok to just take off. I realize that his journey has left me behind, but I do expect COMMON COURTESY. So should i extend a common courtesy and be nice?
Yes, you should extend courtesy. Be kind and cordial. Courtesy begets courtesy; cold begets cold.
Remaining silent when mad is a wise move. You planned on saying something. I figure whatever was planned, was not planned in anger. However, you got mad and emotionally highjacked, once seeing him. It is amazing how quickly our feelings can get the best of us. And how quickly those feelings will dissipate when not reinforced.
You need to lead with compassion. That advice is mostly for you, and somewhat H.
“I do want him to know that I am not going to think it is ok to just take off.” “I do expect COMMON COURTESY.”
I agree. Those would be nice to achieve. How did you demonstrate those to H?
Both of these are expectations. The second actually uses the word. Unmet expectations lead to resentment. Remove your timeline, your deadline from H coming around and starting to behave properly and letting you know when he is going / returning. Your expectations are going unmet. Remove the timeframe and move it back to hope.
I hope H will extend me some common courtesy, next time he leaves. This is a lot less demanding of a certain outcome; it feels different.
Extend your common courtesy and say hi to H. Then see how he responds. If an opportunity, to let him know that you’d appreciate him telling you his planned return date when he leaves, presents itself then take it. If not, be patient. You cannot force things with an emotionally troubled person. You can lead by example. You can choose to be better.
See your ego in all this. Your inner voice needing to be right. Let it go. I totally understand how hard that is. Of course H is being self-centred; he’s in MLC.
Originally Posted by PLC
He did not exhibit this behavior while married, but I know he knows that I would have gotten angry and reacted in a bad manner. By being silent that is not the old me.
Silent is better than exploding at H. Good for not “outwardly” being old you. How are you reacting inside?
Do a big 180 on this - for you. Treat H like a roommate. “Hi. How are you?”. Let go your anger and old habits.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
