And we keep moving on.

[roist]

Hi Irish,

I feel bad for your W. She's in a sad place. But from that place she does seem to be progressing on her path and may just be on a path to recovery. Obviously she isn't there yet and it surely isn't your concern at this stage. She has shown glimpses in the past but I think she is in a better place.

Maybe her anger will reappear. She'll get through that too.

To me her first part is like a teenager trying to figure out if someone likes them too, without having to ask directly. I read "you probably don't care" as being "do you care?"

She regrets not being closer to you and the girls. She regrets ye not having done enough to save your M. She probably doesn't fully see her part in the breakdown but she does appear to see some of it. The rest is clouded by her perception of things based on where she was at at the time. Your side too is probably clouded by assumptions and preconceptions you had at the time. That's ok, normal and at this stage not overly important.

There's no point in crying over spilt milk or bolting the barn door after the horse has fled. The past is done and cannot be undone. It can be understood better. It cannot be changed but our perception of it can.but after this many years that truly isn't worth focusing on. Your W is still focusing on it because it's all she sees. She is lost and can't see the next real step.

But she does appear to be looking. Looking inwards. She seems to have a good insight on herself and what she's been through. She cannot see too far beyond herself yet but that breakthrough could be coming. She needs to drop the "woe is me" mentality and she just might get there. You can show her signposts if inclined but this path is her responsibility. You know that.

But maybe you could stop defending your part of the breakdown. You've been clear, honest and consistent in letting her know your truth about what the end of your M was like. She's heard it all before and knows it. Please resist continuing to do so. Now don't accept her half truths or lies just let it go. Each time she makes contact the ball gets thrown back into her court. The ball belongs there but she probably sees your defense as an attack and focuses on that instead of herself and what she should do. By not responding defensively the ball still finds it's way back to her court.

Again my words are just a friendly outsiders viewpoint and as always not a critic.

Best wishes Irish