Imagine you are watching an anthill on a sunny afternoon, lying in the grass as we did when we were kids. You watch them move to and fro and build things and come back and carry a crumb with great labor, etc.
You would not take each ant movement that seriously. It would be silly to say, "Oh, that ant moved to the left. No way, he is going to the right! Why didn't I realize he would go to the right! I should have known that! Should I give him another crumb? No, I shouldn't, then he will know I want to give crumbs!" Etc.
My suggestion is to see your H right now as you would those ants. If you want to watch with a little curiosity, do so. But know that nothing you say or do means much to those ants. They are laser focused on their own lives. They don't really notice you, and if you leave your post to stop watching, it won't impact them.
One day, your H might not be an ant. He might be a man again. He might be worth loving again. But right now, he is like an ant. Leave him to his work. Go for a bike ride. Build a house. Read a book. The ants will still be scurrying about if you come back to check on them, but they won't really notice what you are doing.
I hope that doesn't sound cold. We here do care about you and what you are doing, and we send you love and courage! I just mean that you must let H go and stop noticing his every move.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
