I sat in my car for 1.5 hrs and just cried. Afterwards, I caved and called her. Asked if she was absolutely certain she wanted this separation and again she reiterated that she didn't believe we had a viable marriage and that we needed to be apart. (I know I shouldn't have, I just set myself up for more hurt listening to her tell me again that she didn't want this). I was just so upset. It has only been a few weeks and I am still working on detachment
Darling Mar, give yourself all the space and acceptance you need right now. Detachment takes SO much longer than a few weeks. You are doing amazing all considering. You have been blindsided, gaslighted, emotionally abused and dumped by the person you trusted most in the world. Of course, you called her. And of course she said what she did and of course, you felt what you felt afterwards. I have been there. In your shoes exactly.
But as all the vets say, don't believe what they say and only half of what they do. My spouse's story has changed so dramatically from a year ago. At first I didn't keep the house clean and walked too heavy. Then he has been miserable for a year, then we never had the 'spark', then he had been miserable for 13 years, then I was abusive, manipulative and controlling. Then I was not any of those things (brief moment of reprieve and lucid awareness on his part, massive apologies from him for having said those things). Then I was all those things again, but only because we had both said those things to each other (I never said those things about him, FYI). And now the latest storyline is that I never loved HIM!! (Based upon journals he snooped when I wasn't home and he came in, again not true).
Doesn't that all sound so crazy, what I have written out above? Your W is in the same boat. You will hear so much random, chilling, heartbreaking, untrue, horrible things about your R from W right now. And your job is to believe none of it and do the best you can to move forward. (The true bits will sink in and you will make adjustments accordingly, but the majority of it is not worth your psychological exploration, especially if she is in another R, which is driving her mood and actions at the moment.)
Do whatever you can do to detach from W right now. A weekend away, a few months away, saying no to winterizing, WHATEVER you need for you is OK.
