I know if this was D25, even though she is not a kid anymore, common courtesy lends itself to letting your people in the home you will be gone so there is no worry. I obviously cannot confront him and maybe he is expecting this.
Common courtesy.
When you were writing earlier this weekend about H's abrupt departure with no word, my first thought was how it is a common courtesy to let your people know that you are leaving and when you will be back and how dare PLC be put in this position. Honestly, it triggered me, so please don't let me project onto you.
However, I have been learning some tough but necessary lessons recently and here is one that may help you in your situation.
My natural state of existence is to love, nurture, support, help and hold people. My children, my FOO, my friends, even strangers. If someone is in distress or in need, I will stop and ask 'are you OK? How can I help?'. My children have watched me pull over our car to ask someone if they need help (a broken down car, a person sobbing as they walk down the sidewalk, you name it, I can't just watch suffering without addressing it). It's just who I am.
Even in my recent challenging interaction with H, I wanted to ask him if he wanted to take dinner to go (oh, the cooks in us, food=love, huh?). Today, while making an anti-inflammatory medicinal concoction, I thought 'I have extra, I should share with H, he could use it right now.' But that is not my role. I might be able to help, sooth, share, be present for 7.5 billion people in the world, but H CANNOT be one of them right now. Which is fighting every fiber of my fundamental personality.
And yet, at the same time, it is the only way I can show respect (care, love, nurture, help, hold, understand) H right now. He has asked for this. He doesn't want my care (nurture, love, understanding) right now. In fact, if I offer it to him, his declining my offer puts him in the position of being the bad guy (unlovable, ungrateful, horrible, because who actually DOES this to a loving human being).
So my job, and yours at the moment, is to step away from our nature and let our H's path be our H's path, unsullied by our loving, concerning personality. It is the only way we can show them respect in their own language.
