How am I going to do this? Should I do this?

[Valeska19]

I sincerely appreciate all of your support. I am trying to take all of your advice. This weekend was difficult. I don't understand how my W can walk around the house like all is good. On Friday evening she asked if I would help winterize the back deck, i.e., remove cover from Gazebo, bring in all the furniture, etc. on Saturday afternoon. I initially agreed but on Saturday when she was ready I just couldn't do it. I couldn't pretend like everything was normal and we were doing one of our typical routines. I told her I was taking a shower, getting dressed and going out. Needless to say she wasn't happy. I just told her I couldn't do it.

Good for you for taking care of yourself in that moment. If you wanted to the next time - immediately say no and that you have plans. This would be a good place for a boundary for you and her. If you wife wants to do "spouse-like" things - you don't participate. Not in a rude way - just in a matter of fact way. And in case you are wondering... no... you don't say anything to her about it. It's actions in the form of self-care, GALing, and making yourself a priority.

I sat in my car for 1.5 hrs and just cried. Afterwards, I caved and called her. Asked if she was absolutely certain she wanted this separation and again she reiterated that she didn't believe we had a viable marriage and that we needed to be apart. (I know I shouldn't have, I just set myself up for more hurt listening to her tell me again that she didn't want this). I was just so upset. It has only been a few weeks and I am still working on detachment. After I stopped crying and got myself together ended driving to my niece's home. Had dinner with her and spent a few hours there before returning home.

We will continue to put our hand on the fire until we are tired of burning ourselves. It's okay Mar. We've all done it.

I know I have to let her go. I made plans to go away next weekend and will just continue to take it one day at a time. I did tell her I was considering leaving and going to my families. She keeps emphasizing that she is not kicking me out of my home. I wonder if she is just doing it so that she doesn't look like the bad guy or just to alleviate her guilt. I know, no mind reading.

Perhaps try not telling your plans until you know. You need to be certain what is best for you so that when your W lays down the guilt trip or perhaps spews the anger venom - you have a clear mind to validate that she is upset - but at this time - you are doing what's right for you.

Hang in there Mar. Baby steps.