She keeps emphasizing that she is not kicking me out of my home. I wonder if she is just doing it so that she doesn't look like the bad guy or just to alleviate her guilt. I know, no mind reading.
True, no mind reading. But also, you're likely correct on the guilt.
Here's the best advice anyone gave me during my D. I hope you consider it.
I was talking to an in-person confidant about some financial stuff. XW was offering me something I thought was overly generous and I felt weird about it - I wanted our M, not the financial/physical items. This friend had gone through a D and told me to accept what the offer was if I felt it was at least fair. If in 2 or 3 years I was still feeling this guilt that it wasn't the "right" thing to do I could always gift it back.
I ended up accepting the financial piece. From where I am now - with no ill-will toward XW, but also no rose colored glasses - I think it was fair, and maybe leaned a bit generous. But do I think I owe it back to her? No absolutely not. The way things ended up were divided pretty fairly. I'm so glad I didn't kick the gift horse in the mouth.
I know this isn't where you're at now, but I say this to you as something to keep in mind. Your W is feeling generous and not vindictive at all - use that. It sounds crass and uncaring, I know. I'm definitely NOT saying to take her to the cleaners or try to fight for more. I'm saying that right now you are so vulnerable and just want HER and you have to also consider the financial or legal implications and try your hardest to identify what is truly fair.
If W is saying she's not kicking you out I see that as a bit of not wanting to be the bad guy, yes. And if this S is going to happen anyway (and I DEFINITELY cannot mindread to tell you one way or the other!) you want to take advantage of that generosity. Keeping the fighting and emotions to a minimum and you will walk away with fewer emotional and financial scars.
Carefully consider - if W is not kicking you out, but you leave anyway: is there ANY way in which this can hurt you later legally? I wouldn't think so, but I want you to be very very certain of that. Weekends away are good, but don't move out officially without consulting a lawyer.
