I sincerely appreciate all of your support. I am trying to take all of your advice. This weekend was difficult. I don't understand how my W can walk around the house like all is good. On Friday evening she asked if I would help winterize the back deck, i.e., remove cover from Gazebo, bring in all the furniture, etc. on Saturday afternoon. I initially agreed but on Saturday when she was ready I just couldn't do it. I couldn't pretend like everything was normal and we were doing one of our typical routines. I told her I was taking a shower, getting dressed and going out. Needless to say she wasn't happy. I just told her I couldn't do it.
I sat in my car for 1.5 hrs and just cried. Afterwards, I caved and called her. Asked if she was absolutely certain she wanted this separation and again she reiterated that she didn't believe we had a viable marriage and that we needed to be apart. (I know I shouldn't have, I just set myself up for more hurt listening to her tell me again that she didn't want this). I was just so upset. It has only been a few weeks and I am still working on detachment. After I stopped crying and got myself together ended driving to my niece's home. Had dinner with her and spent a few hours there before returning home.
I know I have to let her go. I made plans to go away next weekend and will just continue to take it one day at a time. I did tell her I was considering leaving and going to my families. She keeps emphasizing that she is not kicking me out of my home. I wonder if she is just doing it so that she doesn't look like the bad guy or just to alleviate her guilt. I know, no mind reading.
