If you are truly having suicidal thoughts then you should seek the help of a professional immediately.
As for us vets we were right where you are right now. I thought my exw was the most wonderful woman in the world and I couldn't live without her and an intact family. I was never more wrong in my life. I love living alone. Yes, I miss my kids at times but when we're together we have so much fun. They are both doing really well in school.
It's gonna take a really long time for your W to hit rock bottom. My ex is in about year 7 of her crisis/change in personality. Her relationship with the kids is bad. They were both crying on the last exchange that they don't like being with her anymore. And it was her birthday! It's sad for my kids but also very predictable. All these situations run on the same script. You have to minimize the damage for your children.
The key is to use the pain to become a better person and the rest will work itself out.
