This is the pain and confusion many refer to as the roller coaster, or three steps forward, two steps back. Today you're having trouble, over all it sounds like you personally are making progress.
The rollercoaster is tough as there are so many different studies and opinions. If we heard that kids can be 100 percent ok in a D, this would be a notch easier. Yet some say its the most awful thing in the world. What helps me a little is some of the times when they say single parent households hurt the kids, its because the father is gone. In some of the cases its no counting coparent households, just often single moms with an absent father.
Everytime I hear a conservative talk family values, it stings, every time I hear a liberal talk values, it stings. There really is no answer besides why LH refers to in being the best dad you can for the kids. Its tough seeing your W go through what she is currently. Especially if youre a positive thinker and remember so many of the good moments. Thinking of yourself and the kids will help. You mentioned rock bottom a few posts back. Maybe you will or already have hit rock bottom. What do you plan on doing about it? What would you like those kids to see happen in someone who was knocked down? Does he get stronger? Does he show you can overcome?
Different subject - I have but havent started "When I say no I feel guilty", which is recommended. Personally cant give my recommendation but others like it. If you browse readytochanges posts, he recommends books in many categories. Ironwill recommended "The Power of Now" to me which is good so far.
I dont know how obtainable it is anymore but work by Hypnotica helped me, especially years before I married. I wish I kept it up. Specifically I think his Collection Of Confidence vids helped the most. Not sure about his newer stuff.
Thank you so much for your thoughts Core. I practically have no one to talk to except for the folks in this forum and I'm so much calmer now when I see new responses to my thread. You guys are lifesavers, truly.
Yes, overall I feel that I've been making good progress in improving myself. But just hate it when roller coaster ride strikes. I admit I'm not having as much strong willed as the vets here where they are practically unfazed by the spouses actions because they can see right thru them. I can clearly see that I'm struggling on how much my W's actions have an impact on me but i simply couldn't stop my thought train to derail.
On the rock bottom topic, I don't think I'm there yet and I feel I still can take a few more gut punches (maybe I'm being too naive?) Secretly, deep down I am hoping that my W hits rock bottom instead, hoping that can shake her out of her fog (another naive thinking). Let's say IF i do hit rock bottom, I would like my kids to still see me as normal as possible, being around them 24/7 to tide thru this shiitshow. They are innocent and they don't deserve this at all. I do have suicidal thoughts at times but I will consciously shake them off because it's a coward's way to solve the problem. And it doesn't get solved anyway, will only bring more pain to my loved ones.
And many thanks for the reading recommendation! I've just downloaded the 3% man and I'll try to source for the ones you've recommended as well!
M(36), W(36), D(6), D(4) M-7, T-8 Bomb Drop - Nov 28, 2019 W requested separation - Sep 30, 2020
