Need advice on stubborn W

[MrBrside]

I'm afraid of losing the family as a whole because I was brought with the teachings that children will fare best if both parents are together. I fear that my failure in keeping my W in the marriage will end up hurting my kids in the long run.

I've read threads that mentioned all that matters is how effective a separated couple can co-parent and the damage will be reduced to a bare minimum but all i could think of is, since I can't even save a marriage, how can I be sure I can effectively co-parent with someone that has hurt me so tremendously? Well, given that her rewritten history was me hurting her more, not sure what to make of it now.

This was my biggest fear - I think this is why a lot of people stay together when they really shouldnt.

I can only speak from my personal perspective, but WW leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me and my children. My WW did not have a "fun" childhood - she never went on holiday, dad ran off with OW, mum quickly met another man and got pregnant ( weeks after dad left) - ive realised now, she doesnt really do "fun" things with the children, as it stresses her out.. We never really did "day" trips, as the kids stressed her out. We never ate as a family at the table as "she couldnt enjoy her food with the kids stressing her out" etc... Once the WW is gone, you can be a great father, and do whats best for the kids, when with you..
I cannot stress enough how much better my life and relationship has been since she left. I would never take her back, yet 18 months ago, i was just like you.
Look at it this way - Its better for the kids to have 100% happyness, love and security 50% of the time than 10% happyness 100% of the time..

The kids were her world before she turned into another person. I can't understand the fact that she doesn't realise her trailblazing actions are leaving behind a trail of destruction to her loved ones.

Common - and its hard to get your head around - I totally relate, and many LBS spouces will..

BUT

WW wont see this - dont waste your time trying to explain it to them.. The person you knew is gone.

You cant control this or her.. So dont waste energy or time trying.

It will probably get worse - They are selfish beyond belief.

I'm puzzled by this statement because she was the one that wants to move this quickly but on the other hand she wants to "slowly" let the kids know about it and wants to give separation a try first and see how it goes. To me it sounds like cake eating, am i wrong?

Cake eating is correct. She want to keep you as a plan B - Have some self respect and walk away. You dont need people like this in your life.

I have to be strong for the kids no matter what.

This is KEY - dont do the whole "ooohh lets trying dating" etc - Focus on Kids Kids Kids - and You You You.. You will get through this !