May - great to hear that you were able to get away and calm down and let that urge pass. I second what Yail said about waiting until you can speak eloquently. You will get a chance to express what you're feeling, and you owe it to yourself to wait until you can best express that in a way where it gets heard. I am sure it's hard to not go in on him, because you feel justified (rightfully so imo) and that he deserves it, but ultimately does that get you closer to your (general) goal? What outcome do you want from that?
I'm glad to hear about the post-nup progress. Does the reno of the MBR need to be some big emotional symbol?
My H can be really great at "avoidance chores," by getting really into doing X thoroughly instead of doing Y that I asked, and then not having time/energy to do Y and saying ah yeah but I did X (I think this is an ADHD thing). The MBR thing almost reads like that - he is putting a lot of emotion into it, instead of elsewhere, for whatever reason. I think your energy is best spent on you instead of figuring out his emotional landscape right now, but wanted to remark on that.
I also second what Yail is saying about finding out how you can move forward to be "all in" - I think this is your IC's question just restated in a different form; trusting him again seems tantamount to being all in, and vulnerable.
