May, I do think you're headed in the right direction. I say keep finding these ways to allow the emotions to pass by.
It's not that you are censoring yourself or not speaking your mind - think of it as waiting to speak when you are calm, centered, and can express yourself eloquently. That is almost never in the moment of high emotions. And I'm not saying to just go calm down and come back in and have those discussions either. What I'm saying is look at your future. Look at the time you have. Now spreeeeaaaaaddddd it out. You will have opportunity to say your piece - and in many instances you already have - so don't feel like it has to be immediate.
I think as much as you are angry with H, you are also angry there is not quick fix, that there is no check-list to get through before H is fully back and remorseful and you are also leaning towards him. This is going to take time and even in looking at your whole timeline - it's still very, very short. I know it doesn't feel like it because for you it is 24/7 every single minute of your life. But from an outsider, just know this is a blip in your life. No matter your future, it is a small bit of time and you will not be here forever.
So, just as a mental exercise, here's what I see. You are waiting for H to be "all in" before you are willing to be. That makes sense, I think it's how everyone would feel in your situation. It's a protection and pride thing. But let's change assumptions just to see where it goes. why do you think he has to be first? Why not you? Why can't you focus all of your energy on finding out how you can move forward to be "all in"? (Leaving him to his own internal work, of course. This is a silent exercise.).
I say this because I think it's akin to forgiveness. No matter your future, you have to work on the anger in your heart because it's driving you, and I want something else to drive you.
