I do have one comment that scares me, you mentioned eventually the MLC has to end and I know my goal is to stand longer than the MLC. But this little voice inside wonders if he really wasn’t happy married to me and he won’t ever end this journey. I understand I would have to make the decision to no longer stand, but I am sure I am not the only one that wonders this. Can we have misdiagnosed MLC?
PLC, you are decidedly NOT the only one to ponder this. I have run my little mind in circles pondering exactly this question. And I am no further along in my journey than you are, but I have this recent realization to share: at some point it just won't matter.
This journey is about YOU, not about H. At some point in YOUR journey, you will say to yourself 'you know what? I don't deserve to be treated like this... it doesn't work for me any longer. I don't want to subject myself to this kind of treatment and I want to release myself from these questions now.' OR you will say 'hey, this love and history we had was REAL. H is a lost little boy (enter whatever non-patronizing adjectives work for you here) right now and I am going to have love and compassion and carry on as best I can, knowing it is not about me.'
No judgement for whatever path feels most authentic to you. But whatever path you choose, please remember that you are wonderful and worthy.
