Thanks to all who have contributed so far, your opinions have been helpful! Especially those who challenged me from the very beginning like Steve, Rose, and Vapo.
The medical evidence is that women's sex drive generally does decrease after menopause - but obviously there will be individual variation
Yes. But what I found to be surprising is now much women's sex drive ramps up when she is single. This comes mostly from friends of mine who liked being single past age 50.
I'm with Ginger. My last four GFs had high sex drives with me. After 3yrs, my ex-GF and I had sex 2-3x/day (when we lived together, and then on days we saw each other). I blame romance and foreplay and, but most importantly imho, feeling safe expressing what we each liked and didn't.
My first two GFs had low sex drives. Maybe I was inexperienced, or had a poor partner-picker then!
I don't disagree with any of you! But this conversation has gotten off track if I might say so ... the issue at hand was whether during the dating process the intensity and level of sex is unrealistic, and that, especially for men, they mistake the sex for love, thereby driving bad decisions for second marriages and explaining why the second marriage failure rate is so high (60-70% per Steve85), because the amount of sex inevitably falls, especially after remarriage.
I politely disagree with the premise, "because the amount of sex inevitably falls, especially after remarriage." My ex-GF was married longer than I was, for 25 years, and the sex never dropped off. A fall-off isn't inevitable. Like any other dating compatibility area--don't pretend to like what you don't.
Originally Posted by "Dr. Gail Saltz"
When couples stop having sex, their relationships become vulnerable to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce. If your sex drives are out of balance, your aim is to meet in the middle, having sex a bit more than one partner likes, but probably a bit less than the other likes.
As preferences change--with medical conditions, hormonal shifts, crime, and age.. communication and compromise are solid plans. "I can't for a few days because I have a yeast infection." is hard to say but easier to deal with than having multiple plans for a romantic evening inexplicably rejected. A partner who stopped having sex regularly for a year+ and wouldn't talk about or work on that would be a deal-breaker.
I politely disagree with the premise, "because the amount of sex inevitably falls, especially after remarriage." My ex-GF was married longer than I was, for 25 years, and the sex never dropped off. A fall-off isn't inevitable. Like any other dating compatibility area--don't pretend to like what you don't.
Originally Posted by "Dr. Gail Saltz"
When couples stop having sex, their relationships become vulnerable to anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce. If your sex drives are out of balance, your aim is to meet in the middle, having sex a bit more than one partner likes, but probably a bit less than the other likes.
As preferences change--with medical conditions, hormonal shifts, crime, and age.. communication and compromise are solid plans. "I can't for a few days because I have a yeast infection." is hard to say but easier to deal with than having multiple plans for a romantic evening inexplicably rejected. A partner who stopped having sex regularly for a year+ and wouldn't talk about or work on that would be a deal-breaker.
Thanks CWarrior, just know that such wasn't my conclusion. I was merely asking for feedback. And the less important assumption is the amount of sex; the more important one is that men, when on the rebound, will MISTAKE an intense sexual relationship, pre-second-marriage, for love. Then, once married, they learn otherwise. They find out that, absent an intense sexual relationship there is not much that feels like love, and if they haven't fixed themselves first they find themselves divorcing again.
It’s who she is with. How that person treats her out of the bedroom.
Get in touch with a woman emotionally, and you will get in touch with her physically
I understand and agree with you. And, believe it or not, I bought MIchele's "Sexless marriage" book and will read it after I finish both DR and DB books. I too lived with a woman for over 30 years who was mostly avoiding sex, and was so afraid of it after the first 10 years that she missed out on so much intimacy and romance because she was always afraid it would lead to sex.
But is Michele's conclusion that simple, that if only a husband was in touch with his wife emotionally, then everyone would be happy and satisfied? I'm not sure that's the case. Something to explore, certainly.
