How am I going to do this? Should I do this?

[KristinG]

Hey Mar. Sorry you're having a tough emotional day. Those are really hard. Maybe try to find a way to distance yourself from the ILYB statements. Remind yourself that she is saying those things because they are her FEELINGS at the moment and not necessarily truths. I think our WS convince themselves that they aren't in love anymore and that the feelings are gone forever instead of making the choice to love and work on building those feelings back. It's a cop out and a terribly painful thing to hear as a BS. Getting away will help do you some good. There will still be times when you feel the rush of emotion, panic, and fear, but there will also be times when you don't think about everything going on for a few minutes and your mind is clear. Those are more peaceful moments.

May is 100 percent correct on the kissing her on the forehead 2X4s. (If it helps, that is still a 2X4 for me as well). I am the world's worst for being too nurturing and caring. I'm FINALLY working on it, but I am very affectionate and right now all that is going to do is reinforce the fact that she doesn't think she has feelings for you and make her feel guilty for "stringing you along" instead of letting you go so you can be happy. My WW brings up the fact that she doesn't deserve me, I should go and be happy with someone else, and that she can't feel that way for me again, etc, blah blah blah, barf. Start with little things and don't think of it as pushing her away. Do it for you, and to gain perspective on being a solo Mar. One thing that I've started doing is not initiating a hug goodbye and not rubbing her feet when we are lounging on the couch. We had always been a cuddly couple and now I don't try any of it. I will receive affection, but even that is waning mostly due to the distant nature of our current sitch.

I find it incredibly helpful on tough emotional days to do 2 things. First, call a friend and (if possible) get a hug. You need someone you can cry and vent and rage to that will just be with you and listen. It's honestly better if they don't give advice. Just someone that tells you they love you and that they will support you in any decisions you ever need to make regarding WW. Second, do something small for yourself today. Even if it is just making a cup of tea or taking a warm shower (aromatherapy and deep breathing in the shower is heaven sent). Before going to bed tonight, tell yourself that tomorrow will be a better day. I like to do some form of self care right before bed and try to fall asleep with a positive mindset so that the next morning I am primed to make the best of the day.

((Mar))

KG