Through The Storm IV

[KristinG]

KG,
Is she loving you the way you want to be loved? Is she fulfilling your needs? Are you happy? If the answer is no to any of these questions then step away. I know it is easier said then done. I am still here as well. But the last thing in the world you want is to wake up 10 years from now and find yourself in the same sitch still hoping that it will improve. Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months and months turn into years.

Nice to meet you Mar. I read through your sitch today and will respond soon with my thoughts/suggestions. I know how helpful it is to feel like you have someone that has similar life experiences (lgbtq) and I would love to be of some comfort. The answer to the first two questions is undoubtedly "no". I am happy with my life in general. I am very blessed and things could be far worse. I have relatively good health, a good job that I love, and a wonderful family. Things could be MUCH worse and, for that, I'm thankful. But is she loving me the way I want to be loved or fulfilling my needs in a partner? No.

BIG ((May))

I am sorry you've been through a crazy rollercoaster this whole year. Glad you are holding it together and doing things JUST for you. I love the idea of ordering takeout from a place that H doesn't usually like but is your fave. I am always very accommodating but I'm going to have to do that very soon. To answer your question, no, I'm not in IC. Due to COVID my IC is doing virtual only and I hate virtual meetings so I'm waiting it out. It's not terrible though because I really feel that I am in a much more stable place than when I was going.

It's funny May, I know the vets would say that we haven't made our WS work hard enough to get back in. They are absolutely correct. I don't know that I could or would change anything I've done in my journey and I really feel like I have been true to myself the entire time. BUT, I do think if I had walked away initially things *might* be different. At this moment in time, I am feeling like I want more for myself than a partner that doesn't know the value I bring to the table. This feeling is growing within my heart and I find myself day dreaming about a peaceful future without all the rejection. I am feeling more at peace with being alone than remaining with a WW that doesn't love me. I want her to find happiness and peace as well and I don't know if either one of us will ever find that in our marriage again. I don't want a D, but it's looking better than the alternative that we're currently living.


Hey Yail! I hear you're creating a travel buddy group - I'm in! And yes, the savings account is a joint account. I don't see her being unfair about the financial situation, but I also never expected to wake up one day and find our marriage here. It burns in my chest when I think about making the decision to D. She is, or was, the person I want to wake up with every day and share a life with. We've both changed so much since this all began, sometimes I don't recognize her and she feels like a stranger. In fact, that might be the most painful part about the current sitch. I don't know if we've been that distant since the start of everything and maybe I just couldn't see it because I was trying so hard to fix it? Either way, it stings that any interaction with the one I love feels cold when it used to be so warm and comforting.


KG